sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize