Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
