Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This baby is an asshole
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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