dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Buhtt sex?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
