It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
