put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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