I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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