ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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