There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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