Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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