Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize