Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
