haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
