I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
