Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I faked an abortion last night.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
