Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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