I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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