I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
