Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Come on in and take your pants off
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