Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
