He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
