I looked at my own cervix.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize