i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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