But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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