Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
