Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
not ubering you a puppy
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