I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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