It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
