my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
