i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize