i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You are the jesus of drinking
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
