I'm lost and stupid without you.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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