she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
