They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize