we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
