Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
