Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
