sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize