He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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