Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
