Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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