I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
