the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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