Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Farmville is her only friend.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
