Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
