Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
