Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
