as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
