glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
