i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
