my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
