but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
