It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Blood and glitter go together right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
