You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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