i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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