Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
