The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
