never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
