we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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