dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
BRING THE BAGELS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
