Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
