i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
