i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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