After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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