We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize