He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
