1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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