Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
