So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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