Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
